Riffing On Realness™

Being in Limbo

Episode Summary

Limbo can feel like being in suspended animation and often feels uncomfortable which those of us who have control freakery tendencies can find particularly challenging. It is experiencing and acknowledging the unknown. We like to buy into the illusion of certainty and that has been disrupted for many at this time. It can lead to a roller coaster of emotions as that illusion gets shattered. It's interesting to notice how, at times, we are absolutely okay with uncertainty and other times we want to figure it all out.

Episode Notes

Here’s what we explored:

we are horrible at predicting the future
we can make up very negative stories about the future
those stories can disturb and discombobulate us
we ruminate about the past or worry about the future when we're in a low state of mind
in a better state of mind, the unknown can be exciting
when we feel insecure the things we worry about look true
in a better state of mind, those problems aren't present
trying to pretend we don't feel insecure isn't the answer
acknowledging when we feel insecure that the problems look true is a kind of honoring
it's interesting to notice how uncomfortable we are with being uncomfortable
when we feel insecure what exactly is threatened?
Carla notices how much she dislikes physical discomfort - she works very hard to mitigate discomfort
curiosity is a very valuable thing - it's like taking off the blinders.
lack of curiosity creates tunnel vision
discomfort can manifest emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually
a feeling of wanting to crawl out of our skin
who is suffering when we feel discomfort?
it is the mind that is suffering, not who we are at our essence
do we become what we are feeling? We feel irritated so we become a ball of irritation
we are not experiencing what is out there, we are experiencing our perception of what's out there
like with an old outboard motor, you can take the cover off and diagnose what's going on
when we don't understand how the mind works, we are at the mercy of how we feel and we don't have any agency
even when we do understand that we are at the effect of what looks true to us, not the world out there..... we can forget ...... and we do ...... again and again
when everything we perceive is self-referenced ie what does this say about me? and interestingly when we're not doing that and we are just experiencing life, unfiltered.
noticing what happens when we aren't making stories with us at the center of them
if you go out and sit with a tree and remove the label 'tree' and just experience it fresh
when we experience the label we are not seeing the living thing in front of us
same with people, we stop seeing the person, you are seeing all your opinions about them
the story of two people in a room when someone comes into the room with a Doberman. One person grew up with Dobermans and loves them and has a feeling of warmth and excitement. The other person was chased by a Doberman when she was a child and fell off her bike.
she feels fear when she sees the Doberman. Which person is right?
It's easy to think both are right but what if neither is right?
Neither person knows this particular dog. If it is an attack dog, it doesn't matter how many good feelings you have about this dog, it is likely to attack. If, on the other hand, it is a service dog, it doesn't matter how frightened you are, it is unlikely to attack.
in the same way, with people, we operate from our preconceptions about others so we think because that person voted in a particular way, we think we know how they are going to react
and don't we also do this with ourselves? We think we are a particular way: I always do this or never do that and that means it will go this way
what we are doing is referencing who we've been in the past and we can get stuck - 'this is how it's always gone before. I can't help this, it's just who I am'
it limits our ability to see this place of limbo as a fresh opportunity where anything could happen
we can't predict the future, so we reference who we believe ourselves to be with all our perceived limitations
it's uncomfortable and frightening
what happens, when we get curious and see limbo as full of possibility?
we often unconsciously go to our filing system and pull up what we ALREADY know about others and ourselves
and we can create fixedness and limitation
if we realize all those things we take ourselves to be, all our opinions, are changeable
when most of us look at ourselves we see we are full of inconsistencies and contradictions - that's just being human
there's an opportunity in discomfort to see where we are bumping up against illusions of ourselves or the world
imagine, what if 'how we feel doesn't matter?'
when we feel insecure, how 'I' feel is SO important
when we're not feeling insecure: there is much less of 'I', more live and let live, more freedom, more ease
is there a clue there? That the 'I' is the one that creates all the drama
what if our emotions are not personal?
what's the feedback system that tells us our emotions are intolerable? the personal mind
when we forget ourselves, when there's no 'me' in the equation, we experience freedom
the mind is the author of the experience and at the effect of the experience too
the mind is incredibly powerful
if you are finding limbo stressful and overwhelming right now: just know that decisions will get made, events will happen. When we look back we see all the times we've navigated difficulties and even forgotten about them a few days, weeks or months later
ideas and insights come in whether or not we are aware of them
there's less to worry about than we think: we can't know the future
when you are ramped up, can you sit on the bank of yourself so the stirred up pond can come back to clarity?
stirred up emotions will pass, especially if we can leave them alone, they do so quicker
it doesn't generally help trying to figure things out when we are stressed out
in the middle of limbo have kindness for yourself and for others
it's not that everything works out or there is necessarily a happily ever after
Sydney Banks, 'life is a contact sport'
when we can engage wholeheartedly with life - that's not about the externals - there has been an internal shift

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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.

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