Riffing On Realness™

Emotions Showing Up In Disguise

Episode Summary

In this episode, we explore how sometimes our reactivity, eg irritability, pettiness, and frustration can be disguising a deeper emotion. Carla tells the story of how grief about her mother showed up recently but she didn't recognise it at first because it's not usual for her to feel this and initially she felt petty, dramatic, and reactive. Can we get eyes for and accept what's showing up internally?

Episode Notes

Here’s what we explored:

check out what stories you're running about the experience you're having
in the midst of reactivity, if we can see we are riled up, space can open up a little
get eyes for helpful nudges showing up when we're reactive e.g. the idea to run an errand, run a bath
irritability, anger, and pettiness can often be unrecognised fear or grief
righteous anger can be a powerful force for change
there is primitive brain, red not, reactive anger which is often connected to past fear
discerning the difference is helpful
anger can be used to protect ourselves. Getting angry with someone makes it easier to say break up
can we set boundaries without the petty meanness?
getting underneath the initial flash of emotion to understand something deeper
do we have to make someone wrong in order to validate our needs and wants?
being riled up is all our own work (an inside job)
our defensiveness can cloud our judgment
when a client needed to take an employee to task over performance he felt angst and guilt which came out as irritation and anger
once he recognised what was going on, he could see more clearly that they needed to have a conversation about agreements
when we're caught in reactivity, it can be confusing for others as we often don't know what we want
how often do we honour agreements with ourselves?
how often do we not protect our peace of mind?
how often do we allow our stories to run away with us, and create suffering?
often what we throw out to others is often a mirror of how we are treating ourselves
if we are giving ourselves a hard time, there's a good chance we'll give others a hard time
when someone shows up really reactive, could we wonder what might be up for them, particularly if it's not typical behaviour?
if it occurs to us to 'sit on the bank of ourselves', drop our stories (as best we can), then something else can show up
if not, then leaving our thinking alone as best we can, helps things to move on through
when we're very reactive, we can innocently give that more oxygen and keeping it going more and more
we don't have to be at 100% to show up or to live our lives; there's something so much greater than our small sense of self
when you've lost something in the pond and you go wading in and stirring up the waters trying to find it, the water gets really cloudy whereas if you 'sit on the bank', the water will settle, and then it gets easier to look for the lost item.
pay attention to the little nudges that might be telling you to do something, not on your to-do list but might be really helpful
the narratives we have about internal and external states, is often what causes suffering, not the event or feeling state itself
seeing the stories is often enough for them to lose their fascination
if you have trouble sleeping, notice it's the stories you create about not sleeping which cause the suffering, rather than the actual lack of sleep
learning to say, 'can I get back to you?', can give us time to land in more clarity, rather than responding from reactivity
'I'm an ordinary person having a beautiful life' - a thought that came in for Juliet with so much peace and relaxation
when you notice your system is ramped up, step back if you can, and get curious about what's underneath

Thank you for listening, we hope you've heard something helpful. And we'd love to hear from you. Get in touch via the comments and tell us what lands for you. Go ahead and share the podcast wherever you are online.

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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high-achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.

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