Riffing On Realness™

Overcoming Perfectionism, Part 1

Episode Summary

In this our first episode we invite you to tune in, slow down and listen for your own wisdom as we explore how to overcome perfectionism. As we've prepared to get going on this podcast, we've both come up against a bit of perfectionism that could have got in the way of us going ahead. Carla touches on how prevalent perfectionism is, recognising it in her family, her clients and in our culture here in the west. In the Southern white culture in the US, Carla explores how, in general, niceness on the outside is highly prized, everything has to be well coiffed and wrapped up in a bow even if underneath there is a seething mass of rage. Juliet sees a parallel in the stereotypes prevalent around northerners and southerners in England. Northerners being seen as direct, even blunt; whereas southerners are seen as almost two faced. We explore whether there is a difference between men and women around perfectionism and confidence. Studies suggest men are far more comfortable e.g. applying for jobs when they only meet 50-60% of the requirements whereas women tend to want to be able to tick off 80-90% of the requirements before they will even apply.

Episode Notes

As we ranged around the topic of overcoming perfectionism here's what we discovered:-

• people are hungry for connection; it's far more important than perfection
• perfection is impossible - it's simply the way we've made up that things should be, how could we know how things will actually turn out until we take action?
• when we wait for things to be perfect there's a way in which we don't trust ourselves or others
• we can be afraid of making mistakes especially if we think WE ARE the mistake
• mistakes are not saying anything about us e.g. I am a mistake, I am a failure. If we believe this the stakes get really high
• mistakes and failure are the path to mastery - they are essential to learning - they are opportunities not problems
• being more lighthearted about mistakes makes it easier to see them as part of the learning
• heart and passion trumps perfection because perfection with connection and passion doesn't land well, people can feel the difference
• Carla shares her experience of singing 'perfectly', meaning technically well but she wasn't connected up and so it didn't land for people
• being real and vulnerable is a great antidote to perfectionism
• connection is always present and available but gets obscured by our thinking; the less thinking we have the more that connection shines
• less thinking on our mind tends to make things easier: we tend to be clearer, less self-conscious, more in the flow
• being very fixed on outcome can close us down to the richness of the journey
• noticing how our fixed thinking can limit us is great to see and can open us to fresh thinking showing up
• Carla's story of her chicken soup shows how we as human beings are built for insight - we get fresh thinking all the time
• the more we can leave our stale thinking alone, relax our mind, the easier it is for us to notice fresh thought
• the more we feed stressful thoughts by analysing them, judging them or arguing with them, eg thoughts about being perfectionist, the longer they hang around
• paying less attention to bothersome thoughts is easier when we realise our thoughts come and go and are not telling us anything useful about who we really are
• paying less attention is easier when we look towards what is powering the whole show, where all these fresh thoughts come from, what animates us
• perfect - from the Latin - as made. We are perfect because we have come into being. Whatever comes into form is already perfect because it has come into form.

Quotes/sources

How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win - Scott Adams

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield

A Little Peace of Mind by Nicola Bird

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Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

Website - CarlaRoyal.com

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life.

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