Riffing On Realness™

Staying Out of Drama

Episode Summary

This episode was recorded prior to the US election and yet the topic feels apt as tensions run high in the wake of the aftermath of Tuesday's election day. In this era of 24/7 global news and social media, how on earth can we stay out of all the drama? When we're overly dramatic we lose some of our clarity and clear access to our resourcefulness, resilience and wellbeing. As two recovering drama lovers we, Carla and Juliet loved riffing on this topic

Episode Notes

Here’s what we explored:

• noticing how personal drama is also rearing up at this time of big drama on the US and European stage
• what's the alternative to joining the fray?
• we know living in drama is exhausting
• brain science says our brains are melodramatic and have a negativity bias
• we're hardwired to look for the negative, knowing that can help us not judge ourselves
• when we're in a personal drama we can feed on other bigger dramas
• Carla gave an example of lying on the couch depressed and crying at victims of violence in Kosovo
• it looks like a big gesture would sort out that uncomfortable feeling
• it looks like things outside of us are giving us our feelings
• in fact, we are generating our feelings from within
• Jamie Smart's story of the teddy bear.
• the child loves the teddy bear so much and feels all these beautiful feelings apparently from the teddy bear
• if you take the teddy bear away, the child cries
• yet if you look inside the teddy bear, there is no love and care, only stuffing.
• we often mistakenly attribute feelings of well being to things outside ourselves when in fact they come from within
• we don't always realise that feelings come and go and have no objective meaning in them about ourselves or the world
• we have a tendency to collapse into the drama of our feelings
• we are experiencing many losses, of time with loved ones, income, health, prospects
• if we believe all our security lies in those things then this time is very frightening
• when we glimpse our security and wellbeing lies deeper than our feelings, we ride through the experiences of loss and triumph with more equilibrium
• it's counter-intuitive because one of the hallmarks of stress is urgency, but getting curious about where your wellbeing actually rests, is helpful
• even a fleeting inquiry can take you out of the drama
• Carla talks of the tyranny of the urgent when we freak out about problems
• story of a client going into panic mode about a business issue
• Carla laughs at the panic and reminds the client all is okay and in response, the client started laughing
• the stressful, urgent feeling is a wake-up call that we've gone off track, from our sense of equilibrium
• sit on the bank of myself and let the pond of myself come back to stillness
• don't take our word for it, if you're a bit curious about it, notice for yourself, when you get nudges that are trying to help you get back into equilibrium
• in a state of insecurity our judgment can be a bit off
• no better time to turn within because the old structures are changing fast
• Carla talks about her break down, breakthrough where everything had to collapse for things to transform
• her programmes are called Metamorphose because she is there to help clients transform if that is what they want to do.
• she's not there to make them better caterpillars!
• the system we're living in is not working, maybe it needs to fall apart
• the ego tries to make order out of chaos
• as our sense of something deeper than our moods grows, we get less fascinated by our ego
• helpers and healers and artists are stepping into the centre now to help redress the balance of a society over-identified with the mechanistic
• Carla tells the story of falling into hopelessness yet the next day she came out of it and felt fine
• before, she could stay in those feelings for days, weeks, or years.
• if we can refrain from getting so involved in it and just carry on, those feelings dissolve on their own
• looking with curiosity in the direction of the source of our experience is far more enjoyable than collapsing into our feelings
• the more you can look away from the drama and wonder about being alive it brings you into a more open space
• from there, your thoughts shift more easily
• Carla talks about the all-consuming depression and waking up in the hospital and the depression lifted never to return with the same intensity
• however, she did experience anxiety afterward
• Carla remembers wandering in the woods and her nervous system began to relax. She did it for years
• when we connect to the mystery, to that life force, to nature, to ourselves it puts us in touch with the fact that Life is living us.
• rather than sitting in nature being a prescription, it occurred to both of us to go into nature and appreciating those nudges
• we are always connected except that our thinking tells us we are not
• allow the things on our mind to just flow through
• we get so wrapped up in our stories about everything it obscures that connection
• when we feel connected it doesn't occur to us to get so caught in our thoughts
• the deeper essence is not what feels overwhelmed; the ego gets depressed
• our true essence is not fragile, it can't be riled up
• we can get very wedded to our opinions and yet in reality our thoughts can and do change all the time
• our judgments about ourselves are not coming from our essence - they are not reliable
• what, in us, is experiencing life?
• no better time for this exploration
• what really supports us?
• Viktor Frankl found the good the true and the beautiful in the midst of a concentration camp
• The stillness is inviting but be gentle with yourself when you jump into drama
• When you feel that connection you'll know whether you need to speed up or slow down
• a real-time internal GPS is available for us

Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please do leave a review and share on your networks.

Quote/sources

- The End of Your World, by Adyashanti

- Jamie Smart, coach

- Man's Search For Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl

CONNECT WITH CARLA

Carla is a mindset & performance coach working with high achieving, high-performance entrepreneurs who are dealing quietly with anxiety.

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Poet & 3 Principles facilitator, Juliet loves exploring and pointing towards freedom of mind for those curious to engage more fully with all aspects of their life. 

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